


Is it true?

by raysouat



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F, Freakytits - Freeform, Joan Ferguson - Freeform, Joan Ferguson/Vera Bennett - Freeform, Vera Bennett - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 11:08:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6326614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raysouat/pseuds/raysouat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Vera is told by multiple people of the way Governor Ferguson treats her, she doesn't believe it until they are alone one night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_ Dear Diary,  _

_ It's been another one of those days, you know, they usual, awkward prisoners trying to screw everything up and make your day horrible. I mean I know working in a prison isn't easy, I'm pretty sure being the prisoner isn't easy either, but that's a different matter. _

_ Let me get to the point, I have just got home from a double shift which I wasn't _ __ _ actually meant to work, but Governor Ferguson, told me to, well, I say told, I mean forced. I don't know why though? I mean, she told me it was going to be really busy and they would be understaffed, but nothing eventful happened and they were clearly over staffed. I don't mind working extra though, I get to the love of my life. Well, I think. That's a story for another diary entry right?  _

_ No, maybe I should talk about it? You're the only thing that I can say my feelings and thoughts to... I don't really have many people. Fletch was just sexually frustrated and maybe I was an easy target? I am vulnerable, he perhaps thought I would allow him to do absolutely anything to me. Anyway, I'm done with being used by sexually frustrated men. Let me just tell you about my love. Well, sh... THEY aren't mine, I just think I love them, no, I do but its my first love and they wont feel the same... They wouldn't? I'm a vulnerable old deputy who can't even get the job of Governor. I'm useless so she wont even think twice. I'm just her deputy. . _

_ SHIT. _

_ I didn't mean to say that, it was supposed to be a secret. You're only a diary so maybe you should know. You are the only thing I have. Other people will judge me, I'm in love with another girl, my boss!!! MY BOSS!!! I'm in love with my boss! She won't love me back, she has her prison to focus on running. She has a life without me, she doesn't need me. What could she possibly even see in me?  _

Vera wrote diaries on a daily basis, after every shift. She didn't really like to do it, but she could only write her feelings down on paper because she had no one to listen or of they did, no one would care. She couldn't exactly tell Joan how she felt. Oh no, she was far too scared for that. 

She read through her new diary entry, closed the diary and just stared at the little book in front of her. It was quite a dull plain purple colour with a few flowery patterns here and there but Vera sat looking at it appreciating the fact that only she knew about this diary. That was all that mattered to her right now. She shoved the diary under her pillow and lay down starring at the ceiling over thinking the events of the double shift. 

She lay there wondering what it would be like to have Joan love her the way she loved Joan. She wondered what Joan’s reaction could be if Vera ended up confessing her love. No. She couldn’t? She wasn’t confident. She was far too scared to talk about anything other than work with Joan. Not that she didn’t trust Joan; it was that one thing that Vera feared... Rejection.

She loved Joan, and she reminded herself of that every time she didn’t want to go into work. She reminded herself she loved Joan as a motivation to push herself to work hard to impress Joan. From Vera’s eyes, it never worked. But of course, others could see Joan was far more impressed with Vera herself rather than her work. Vera was told on a weekly basis that she was treated by the Governor completely different to the rest of officers. Linda was fully aware of how Vera was blinded by the Governors tricks on Vera. None of the other officers gave Linda attention other than Fletcher but when Linda has something to say, she is given all the attention she needs. Vera is aware that Linda is jealous in some way of Vera herself but she is unsure why. 

An hour or so had passed with Vera just thinking about Joan, when she decided to go and open a bottle of Chardonnay. She began to pour a glass out when he phone beeped. She put the bottle down and walked over to her mobile and looked at the screen which read *One New Message: Joan* She clicked onto the message and smiled to herself and then reading it out loud “Thank you so much for today Vera. You were amazing”.

Vera realised that after a few minutes she couldn’t stop smiling. She replied back with a simple ‘Anytime. I’m happy to do overtime if I am needed’. She placed her phone down and walked to the kitchen and continued to pour her wine. She took a big sip and placed it down and giggled to herself like a little child. This was not how she would normally act? She got a text from Joan about work, nothing more. She shouldn’t be so happy but she was. 

It was a text from the woman she loved. 


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Vera walked into work like normal until she saw Joan come up behind her at the sign in desk. Joan placed her hands on Vera's waist and moved her over a little bit. Vera shivered at the touch of Joan but thought nothing of it. Linda however, from the other side of the desk, observed every little interaction.  
  
"Bennett. I'd like to see you in my office as soon as please" The Governor politely asked Vera.  
  
As soon as Vera was ready she walked to Joan's office. She felt nervous. She had tingles in her stomach. What does Joan want? She never wanted Vera in her office unless she desperately needs something or if Vera did... And Vera definitely didn't.  
  
She breathed in deeply and let out a huge breath not realising Joan watched through the widow beside the door. Vera straightened her uniform and walking in the office with perfect posture as if to somehow impress Joan.  
  
"You wanted to see me Governor?"  
  
"Ah, yes. Please, take a seat." Vera did so, keeping her posture perfect. "You don't need to be so nervous, my dear, you aren't in any trouble." Vera let out a breath as though she had just let all her worries of Joan not being pleased with her go. "You were beyond fantastic yesterday Vera. I just wanted to thank you. After all, you do work incredibly hard"  
  
"It's... Oh... It's not... It's not a bother" Vera looked down and mentally cursed herself for stumbling.  
  
Joan stood up and walked round, moved the chair a little closer to Vera's and sat down. "Vera, my dear. I'm sensing some nervous vibes. Why are you nervous? Do I scare you?" Joan placed her hand on Vera's which was placed on her knees. With Joan's other hand she touched Vera's chin and moved it to face Joan.  
  
"No...Nothing. Nothing's wrong Governor." Vera lies but couldn't convince Joan.  
"Now" Joan moved her hand from Vera chin to her leg leaving her left hand on Vera's hand. "You know you shouldn't lie. I’m getting the negative vibes."

“Joan... I mean Governor, I don’t mean to be nervous, I don’t even really notice... Anyway, Thank you for the compliment. But I must get back to work. I’ll see you later” Vera patted Joan’s hand and stood up, smiled and walked out turning around to look at Joan again and walked away trying to be confident. Joan went to sit back on her chair and clicked the cameras and watched her fine deputy walk about the prison.

After, Vera’s shift, Joan called Vera into her office. As soon as Vera had closed the door of the office, “Vera, look. I know for a fact you were nervous before and I care, I do, I just want to clear things up with you and possibly invite you to dinner tonight? My place?”

Vera looked at Joan trying to think of an excuse to avoid any awkwardness and stumbled on words. “Not got any plans have we, my dear?” Joan smirked, knowing full well that Vera never planned anything since her mother died. Vera rolled her eyes which made Joan smile. “Well not exactly...”

“Well then, that is sorted, my place, around 8 o’clock?” Joan interrupted her smirking. Vera just smiled, nodded and headed home. If she was going to go along with this invite for dinner, she would have to shower and make sure she looked somewhat presentable.

Vera arrived home, had showered and poured herself a glass of wine. She looked in the closest mirror and smiled. She liked the way she looked. She had a tiny bit of make-up on, she felt like she shouldn’t over-do it because Joan knew she hated wearing make-up. She had messaged Joan to see if she wanted to bring anything, wine. Joan said she didn’t need to bring anything but Vera went against that, and brought a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.

Vera headed off and before she walked to Joan’s door, she mentally and physically prepared herself for what lied ahead that night. She took a few slow, deep breaths and gathered her bag and the bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and headed towards Joan’s door. She took a deep breath and knocked on. A few seconds after, Vera was greeted by a smiling Joan. 

“I’m glad you have made it, my dear. Please come in”. Joan signalled to come in and Vera walked past wearing a very shy smile. As Joan closed the door, Vera turned around to be surprised how close she was to Joan. She gulped noticing that Joan’s breasts were directly in line of her eye. Vera looked up and bit her lip, coughed and spoke “I brought some Cabernet Sauvignon. I know you, erm, said not to bring anything but I felt like I should.” Joan bit her lip noticing Vera’s realisation of the height different, smiled and then replied, “Oh Vera, my dear, you are such a sweetheart.” 

They stood, in the same position, just as close, for a little while liking the closeness they were with each other. Suddenly, Joan moved her hand from Vera’s shoulder and grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the kitchen. She placed the Cabernet Sauvignon on the top, just next to the sink and the two plates all ready for the meal on the other side of the sink.

“Now Vera, I’ve prepared truffle oil Roast Salmon with just a hint of mushrooms. Is that okay for you? If it’s not, I could prepare something else. Whatever you like.” Vera walked up to the plates and placed her hand on Joan’s forearm, “Gov...” Joan corrected her and asked her to call her Joan. “Yes, I’m sorry, Joan. It looks lovely and, well, very tasty. I can’t wait to try it!” 

Joan had already prepared the table and made sure there were two wine glasses. Joan gently moved Vera to sit down whilst Joan prepared and warmed the food up. She then brought the plates to the table and placed one in front of Vera and one where Joan would sit. 

After they had ate, Joan insisted that Vera would go and take herself to sit in the living room whilst Joan cleared up as she wasn’t wanting Vera to help, especially when she had offered to cook dinner. 

When Joan came to sit next to Joan, she didn’t realise that she had sat so close to Vera. Vera gulped and let out a childish giggle. Vera nudged up a little giving both the women some space. She turned to face Joan admiring the structure of her face.

“You okay Vera?” Joan smiled, noticing Vera staring. 

“I’m very good. I was just feeling a little awkward” Vera tried to compose herself, taking deep breaths.

“Vera,” Joan placed her hand on Vera’s knee. “You can talk to me. You can trust me”

Vera just smiled and nodded, placing her hand on top of Joan’s gently rubbing it. With Joan’s free hand, she moved some of Vera’s hair to beyond her ear and leaving her hand cupping the side of Vera’s face. Vera leaned into the hand, closing her eyes, enjoying the sensation of Joan touching her. 

“I enjoy your company Vera” Joan admitted. 

Vera smiled.

“I enjoy your company too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the slow update and I know it may not be perfect. I tried. I hope you enjoy.   
> Kudos and comments for improvements are greatly appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Diary,_

_It’s been a few months since that meal with Joan. She was so lovely, but I don’t really think she realised how close we were, or well, I thought we were pretty close. I mean, when I first got there, I turned around to give her the bottle of wine but she was so close. With me being small and well when were face to face and very close in my world, my face was, erm, in line with Joan’s... err... girlie parts anyways._

_Besides my realisation of our height difference, we had multiple occasions where we were quite close. I mean, when we sat down, we were practically sat on each other. It was amazing. I felt really loved and well, safe. Is that okay? What am I like? I’m telling some book my feelings about being close to a woman, my boss! It hurts that she has no idea how I feel. Well, she probably does. I mean, I’m not the best at hiding my feelings though am I? She probably already knows, along with all the rest of the prison._

_Did I tell you that Linda told me she thought Joan felt something for me? I don’t know if it’s true, I mean, Joan has been distant and a few times she has ignored me. Like, if she felt for me why would she ignore me? It isn’t only Linda though. That Bridget Westfall, she said as an “open lesbian” that she could sense that Joan, was also ‘batting the same team’ and also Joan could have feelings for me? Should I believe them? I can’t see it for myself? Maybe I’m just ignoring it?_

_To be fair, Joan did say that she wanted to have a get to get once a week after work. I don’t really know what for. She says to “debrief”. I can’t exactly say it’s a debriefing session. I have only done it two or three times and even then, it was just some ‘water’ that mysteriously tasted like Vodka. What if Joan is telling me its water, so that I can get drunk without realising and then she takes advantage of me? Is that what she would do? Surely not. Maybe that is what everyone wants from me... For me to do everything they ask and take advantage of my vulnerability._

_No. Joan isn’t like that. She respects me... Well, she says she does, and it looks like she does. Oh, well now I’m going too deep, I mean I don’t even know how Joan feels and I can’t ask her can I? I can’t just walk up to her and ask her how she feels about me. It’s weird, and I feel like I’d be annoying or too shy to ask. I can talk to her and ask her about other things but not this. Not the way I’m feeling. What if the feelings are mutual? But then again... What if they aren’t?_

_I can’t do this. I can’t lie anymore. I need to explain to at least someone how I feel. Maybe Linda or Bridget? Just someone who will listen and perhaps advise me on what I should do. I can’t go on like I don’t feel anything at all. Because I do. I really do. I love her._

_I love Joan Ferguson._

For a few days after Vera’s diary entry, multiple people told Vera that Joan felt for Vera. She was unsure what was going on. Were people just saying that? Were they really telling the truth? Or were they lying to make Vera look like a weird, gullible woman. However, after more and more people told Vera about Joan feeling for her, she began noticing the way Joan had been treating her differently to the officers. Maybe that’s a sign? Maybe Joan is treating Vera differently because of the way she feels about her? No, surely she wouldn’t favourite her.

One day, she hadn’t seen Joan anywhere. Vera found herself getting worried. Joan was nowhere to be seen. She weren’t around the corridors or even in her office. None of her stuff was there. Vera decided to try and forget about it and let it not affect her work and she thought maybe she could pop round to Joan’s afterwards.

When Vera had signed out and was walking out the prison to her car, her phone rang. She pulled it out of her bag seeing Joan calling her.

“Joan?”

“Vera... I nee...”

“Oh Gosh, I’m glad you called. Where’ve you been today?” Vera interrupted.

“I’m sorry, my dear, things got a little too much today. Could I come see you tonight? I need some company” Joan asked, sobbing behind the phone.

“Oh, Joan. Is everything okay? I could come round to yours tonight?” Vera hoped she would say yes.

“That will be lovely Vera. Thank you. I will explain later” Joan said, hanging up.

Vera smiled to herself thinking, this could be the day that she could comfort Joan, and finally, maybe hug her.


	4. Chapter 4

Vera got to Joan’s around 6pm. She knocked on to be greeted by a historical Joan. Vera rushed in the door, closed it and hugged Joan. “Oh, Joan. I’m here now. I’m here”

 Joan hugged tighter, sobbing into Vera’s shoulder. After a while, Vera pushed Joan away a little. “I’m here now, it’s okay. I’ll take care of you.” Joan looked up and smiled. “Will you tell me what’s happened? Why weren’t you in work?” Joan looked down, grabbed Vera’s hand and pulled her into the living room. They’d sat down and Vera watched Joan take deep breaths.

“It’s okay Joan, I’m here for you” Vera rubbed Joan’s forearm.

“Vera, I... I...”

“Joan, take your time. I’m in no rush at all”

Joan took deep breaths. “Look. I didn’t really have a good day yesterday and it’s just affected me and I just...” she burst into tears.

“Hey...” Vera wrapped her arms around Joan tightly. “It’s okay. Take your time”

Joan breathed out. “Okay, so you know that Doreen gave birth yesterday?” Vera nodded, “well, just afterwards I heard Doreen and Bea talking about me and Jianna”

“The girl that got her baby taken from her? And then died?” Joan nodded.

“Well, they called me all sorts. They called me a weirdo, a freak...”

“Oh Joan, I don’t think you’re a freak.” Vera said brushing Joan hair out of her face.

“Thank you,” she let out a smile, “It’s just, all my life I’ve been called, a freak mostly, no one knows me. No one lets me explain myself. Well, to top it off, it’s been a year since  my Jianna died.”

“I get it Joan, I do... Come here” Vera hugged her.

“I loved her Vera. I really loved her.”

“I know you did Joan. But why me? Why tell me?”

“You’re the only person in my life. I trust you Vera”

At this Vera smiled and gave Joan a tight hug. “I’m here for you Joan. I won’t leave you” Joan hugged back sobbing.

Joan confessed she trusted Vera. She had promised herself that she wouldn’t tell any of her past to anyone, not even Vera, and here she was crying in the arms of Vera. She felt vulnerable. She was vulnerable, at least for now. She couldn’t let this be what Vera remembers. She needs Vera to rely on her. She needs Vera to know that she isn’t this woman who cries at some petty prisoner calling her a freak. She needs Vera to know and understand that this isn’t just a one off. That she can come back stronger.

 

_Dear Diary,_

_Joan confessed to me today why she wasn’t in work and then also confessed to me that she trusts me and that I’m the only person in her life. Why have I been so blind? She’s not as strong as she makes out. She’s vulnerable and I hate myself for not being there for her. She said she trusted me but if she did, why has she left it so late to tell me about this? I know she loved Jianna and I know that she’s been a bit strange and all over Doreen and her baby but I didn’t realise this was about Jianna. I should have been there for her._

_I hugged her but that isn’t my main thought right now, yeah I love her but damn, just being there for her, comforting her is the best thing I have ever done. Just in the moment where I was holding her in my arms and she was crying, I felt somewhat superior, even though I wasn’t._

_I don’t care about her past. I care about her feelings, I care about her life, I care about HER._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this Chapter.  
> Thank you to @inexprymable for the ideas in this chapter!
> 
> Kudos and Comments are love! :-)


	5. Chapter 5

It was the next day and Vera saw Joan walking up to the gates to enter the prison. Vera rushed to catch up with her to make sure that Joan was sure that she was there for her and Joan can put her trust in her.

“Joa... Gov.”

“Good morning Vera. Is everything okay?”

“Yes. I was just, erm... I wanted you to know that...”

“Know what Vera?” Joan rudely interrupted.

“That I am still here for you, whenever you need someone to talk to”

“That will not be necessary Vera.” Joan gestured for Vera to walk ahead first. “After you”

 ---

Vera ignored Joans rudeness and carried on. Despite how Vera felt about being talked to so abruptly, she still did what she did every other day, which was working extremely hard to impress her boss. Of course, Joan noticed that Vera tries harder than she should but it made Joan smile. Half way through the day, Vera was called into Joans office. Vera knocked on the door.

“Come in” Joan said sounding rather annoyed.

“Is everything okay Governor?” Vera wondered.

“Yes, I was just wondering if you were able to work a double shift. This shift actually?” Vera just looked at her.”You got other plans? We need you. Bridget is working late for some reason that he hasn’t explained but it says her last appointment is with Franky Doyle. Would you be able to check up on that?”

“Yes. I can do. Is that everything Governor?” Joan nodded and gestured Vera she could go.

After Vera had finished her double shift she was looking about the prison for Bridget and Franky, just like she was asked. However, she could not find them anywhere. Vera got herself a little too worked up and started to panic. She didn’t want to disappoint Joan but Bridget and Franky weren’t in Bridgets office, on the corridors or in Frankys cell/cell block. Vera checked again in Bridgets office and Bridget was there, but there was no Franky still. She checked in Franky’s cell block and noticed that Franky and Bea were not to be seen and no one had seen them either. Vera walked about the corridors again double checking places where she had already checked. She knew that Franky wasn’t with Bridget but she was still on shift for another 10 minutes and still had to look after the prison and prisoners, including keeping an eye on Franky. Vera leant against the wall, trying to get some oxygen.

Suddenly, she heard giggling coming from around the corner and then a door closing.  As she heard the giggles, she stood up and headed towards the sound. Without care, she bumped into Fletcher.

“Wow, Vera. Watch where you are going next time!” Fletch shouted causing the giggling to stop. Vera looked around to where the noise came from and suddenly remember Fletch.

“Erm, I’m sorry, what?” Vera asked really confused.

“You just bumped into me like you never saw me.”

Vera rolled her eyes and started to walk off.

“Where are you going? I’m talking to you”

“If you don’t mind, I have been given instructions by the Governor of what I need to do before I leave here tonight. So if you don’t mind, I have work to be getting on with”

“Ahh yes, doing all her dirty work.” Fletch said under his breath. “You’re her little puppet. How can you not see?”

“I am nobodies puppet”

“Yes you are! Everyone in this whole prison can see you are her little sex slave”

“Excuse me?!” Vera was stunned.

“How much does she charge? Wouldn’t think you were that type of person Vera. I always thought you still wanted me”

“Get over yourself Matt.” She started to walk off but he grabbed her arm.

 ---

Meanwhile, just around the corner from the shouting of Fletch and Vera, we Franky and Bea standing very close together with Franky’s arms around Bea, every now and then kissing Beas forehead listening in on the conversation of Vera and Matt. Bea was a little too giddy and every now and then began to quietly giggling but Franky felt the need to shut her up by kissing her, quite passionately. However, even though the two were loving their time together, Bridget was watching them through her office window, calming herself down and making sure she was not going to burst out and act on her jealousy. It was her that wanted Franky to kiss. She didn’t want to see Franky kissing Bea. She didn’t want the woman she loved kissing someone else. Perhaps Franky had no idea but she didn’t want that to happen.

 ---

“You have no idea do you Vera? You have no idea that this governor that you suck up to, adores you! Anyone can tell she’s madly in love with you by the way she stares at you. How can’t you see it?”

“Oh Matt. She is the Governor of this prison and I am the deputy. It’s inappropriate and no one has any idea how she feels. You can’t tell me anything. She’s not in love with me. She’s in love with Jian...” Vera cut herself off.

“Oh yes, of course. The beloved Jianna. How could I make the mistake she was in love with someone who is as frigid and vulnerable as you? No one even cares for you Vera”

“That’s where you’re wrong!” Vera angrily but weakly shouted back. She could feel the tears coming.

“Oh yeah? Who then? I surely don’t”

“Joan does. She told me.”

"Poor Vera, Poor Vera. Our Governor told her precious sex slave she cares about her. It’s called lies Vera. No one cares about you. You’re useless. She is only nice to you because you’re so vulnerable.”

“You’re so cold hearted Matt. How can you possibly...”

“Sometimes, Vera, you need to be”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Vera :-(   
> Don't you worry people, Chapter 6 will be soon! I promise you some Freakytits.


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as Vera got home, she messaged Joan to tell her everything that has happened in the shift and that everything is okay with Bridget and Franky. But Joan could tell that whatever else that happened in the shift Vera was keeping quite. Joan wasn’t stupid, she could read Vera like a book, even if was through a text. Something just wasn’t right and Joan felt the need to help and see if everything was okay. Vera paced about her house, going through hers and Matt’s conversation in her head, thinking to herself “I’m just Joan’s puppet”.

“God dammit Vera. You’re useless. You let people walk all over you!” She spoke aloud. She felt more worthless now then she’d ever felt in her life. Even when her mum was shaming her. She looked in the draws where she kept all her mums left over tablets; she never understood why she kept them. She took them out of the draw, and picked out the box of the orange tablets of her mums that should have knocked her out like a horse... she has a bottle of Pinot Noir. Already drunk, Vera grabbed three pills. Before she could do anything else, she took a big gulp more from her wine bottle which was now ¾ empty. She fell to the floor. Still clutching the three tablets, she heard a knock on the door. The knocking didn’t stop. The next minute, the door opened. Vera was terrified but still, didn’t bother to move. She put the tablets in her mouth but before she could swallow them Joan appeared in the doorway. “Oh my god Vera” She rushed next to Vera, seeing that she had put the tablets in her mouth. “Spit them out Vera” she just shook her head. “Vera, spit them out or I’ll get them out myself. Come one, please!” Joan became desperate; she didn’t want Vera to be like this. She didn’t want Vera to overdose. She wanted Vera safe. In the end, Joan stuck her fingers in Vera’s mouth, got the tablets and threw them away along with the remaining tablets on the top, then sat back next to Vera and pulled her in a hugged her. She felt Vera crying on her chest.

“Oh my dear, what on earth has happened?” Joan pulled Vera back, wiping away Vera’s tears with her thumb. “Something else happened whilst on shift, didn’t it?” Vera nodded. “Oh god, and I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry!”

“It... its not your fau...fault” She moved her right hand up to Joan’s chest and to Vera’s own surprise; Joan put her hand on top. “it’s okay Joan. You’re here now. That is all that matters”

“Vera you’re a state. Let me make you a bath and help you sober up a little” Vera nodded.

Joan picked up Vera and walked up to the bathroom, sitting her down next to the bath, placing her comfortably then running the bath. As soon as the bath was ready, she stood Vera up, and took her tie off and started to unbutton her uniform shirt. She took off her skirt and before Joan let her take off any more she pushed Joan away and shook her head, and looked down embarrassed. “I can do the rest Joan” Vera said as she fell over whilst Joan caught her. “No Vera, let me. You don’t need to be embarrassed. I’m a girl too” Vera nodded and let her undress her and put her in the bath.

“I know how it feels Joan...”

“Know how what feels?” confused Joan didn’t until she remembered her mother and nodded.

“My mother. I mean, I used to care for her like you’re doing for me right now... except she wasn’t drunk... she was ill”

“It’s okay Vera, I’m here for a reason. I care. I always have.”

 ---

After a few hours, Vera had a little nap but woke up from Joan tucking her into her bed. Joan hadn’t realised she opened her eyes. Joan turned away to walk out the room but Vera caught her arm “Stay...” Joan turned around to Vera “... Please”

“Vera, you’re still a little drunk.”

“Joan. I know what I’m saying; the bath and the nap have sobered me a little. At least I can speak and know what I’m saying, and I mean everything I’m saying.”

Joan sat down next to Vera, holding her hand.

“May I ask you something Vera”

“Yeah sure”

“What else happened, you know, on your shift?”

“It just what Matt said to me?”

Joan rolled her eyes. “What did he say?” Joan began to get angry.

“He was shouting at me...”

Joan placed her hand on Vera’s face. “Explain everything. Please”

Vera took a deep breath. “Okay, so, I was just finishing my shift, and I was looking for Franky and Bea because they weren’t in their units... but instead I bumped into Matt and he started shouting at me saying I should watch wear I’m going and all that. And well I said I was sorting something out like you asked and he kept calling me your puppet and saying I was your sex slave because you treat me differently to how you treat everything...”

“Did he say anything else?”

“He said you never cared about me” Vera looked down, looking sad.

“Vera, you’re not my puppet nor are you my sex slave. For goodness sake, I wouldn’t even dream of you being anything like that. You mean so much more to me than that Vera. Forget what that idiot said. I care about you, a hell of a lot. You mean more to me than anyone could have...”

“Even Jianna?” Vera interrupted, “I’m sorry” 

 “No. It's okay. Even Jianna!”


	7. Chapter 7

Vera smiled, but was unsure whether to believe Joan when she said Vera was more important than Jianna. She knew how much Jianna meant to her. Vera felt the need to ask Joan about each other’s feelings. She knew how she felt about Joan but she wanted to know specifically what Joan felt and if she felt anything back.

“Joan...” Vera placed her hand on Joan’s leg.

“Yes?”

“There is something I want to ask.”

“What is it my dear?”

“Oh never mind, it’s nothing. Do you want another drink?” Vera shoved the question aside and stood up and reached for Joan’s glass.

Joan pushed her back down and squeezed Vera’s knee.”Vera, you can say or ask anything to me? You know that. Don’t you?” Vera nodded.

Vera took a deep breath. Questions ran through her head, should I ask? Would I get rejected? What if I scare her away?

“Joan... What, erm, is your... er... you know, your _type_ in a relationship?” Vera blushed.

Joan smiled and bites her lip. “Why do you want....” At that moment Joan’s phone rang. “Hang on” She held her finger up. Joan picked up the phone.

“Hey Joan. It’s Ollie... Ollie Myers?”

“Oh Hello Ollie. Is everything okay?” Joan was amazed as Ollie had never really spoken to Joan. Vera sat by the side of Joan, with Joan’s hand still on Vera’s knee. Vera started to listen now... Who was Ollie?

“Maybe we could get hot and sweaty sometime ey Joan...” Joan let out a slight chuckle.

“Oh Ollie. You do make me laugh. I am on a busy schedule. You shall have to book in. I must say, it may not be soon however...”

“Are you saying you don’t want to with me?” Vera didn’t want to listen anymore. She removed Joan’s hand from her knee, stood up and walked into the kitchen. She placed her glass on the table and leant her face on the top, next to the sink. Unaware what else Joan was talking about on the phone. Focusing on her breathing, “Vera, Breathe” she said. “Why are you even jealous? She’ll just be talking to a friend about something completely innocent”. She could feel herself getting more and more worked up even though she was trying to calm herself down. She took deep breaths in and out.

“Vera, is everything okay?” Joan approached Vera and placed a hand on the top of Vera’s shoulder. She jumped up and faced Joan.

“Yes. Yes I’m all good. Thanks. You want another drink? I’m a little thirst...”

“Vera. Stop.” Joan Interrupted. “Tell me why you walked in here and what has got you all so worked up? This isn’t like you? What is wrong?” Joan rubbed Vera’s shoulders. Vera just looked away and focused on breathing in and out.

“It’s nothing. I was just over thinking things from the shift. I’m okay” Vera lied.

“I know you’re lying Vera. I can read you like an open book.” Vera started to get angry.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on, I’ve worked with you for what nearly two years? I’m sure I know when you’re lying and when you’re not. You can’t seem to hide your feelings. Just like you can’t hide your jealousy right now. That’s why you ran out the living room into here isn’t it? Because the was not attention of you”

“No thats not” Joan put her finger on Vera’s lip to quieten her.

“My dear. I am aware that I am indeed telling the truth. Am I not?” Vera just rolled her eye. “I thought so. Tell me exactly why you ran out of there”

“I don’t need to explain myself to you Joan and I didn’t run”

“You couldn’t get out there quick enough!” Joan started to raise her voice.

“You know exactly why then!” Vera glared into Joan’s eyes.

“I believe I do. But I’d like to hear you say it”

“No way what’s the point?” Vera asked.

“Just say it!” Joan shouted getting angry.

“Because I was jealous Joan. There! I said it” Vera confessed and was surprised to Joan’s response which was hugging Vera.

“Oh Vera, dear. There is no reason for you to be jealous of Ollie... He only wanted to fence sometime together... He just likes to joke about a little.” Joan pulled back and got into a position just in front of Vera, “Plus, he isn’t my type, you know, to answer your question before we were rudely interrupted”

Vera smiled uncontrollably.

“Then what is your type Joan?” Vera asked whilst moving her hand up Joan’s arm.

“I’m not good at expressing emotion through speaking it... I’m sure you know that already.” Vera nodded. “Well, boys are definitely not my type. Girls are... in fact, someone in particular”

“And who may that b..”

Vera was shocked at Joan’s immediate response of her lips meeting Vera’s for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took longer than expected to get this chapter out. Season 4 starting got me rather excited and so postponed it a little. Here it is :-)


	8. Chapter 8

The kiss blew Vera away. She was so taken back; she was unaware that she even kissed Joan back. She was inexperienced and didn’t want to embarrass herself, especially in front of Joan. The kiss was gentle yet intense. Joan groaned into the kiss enjoying each second knowing Vera was kissing back. Joan licked Vera’s lips wanting to enter so she could explore Vera’s mouth. She, of course, let Joan and moaned at the sensation running through Vera’s body. A few minutes later, whilst catching their breaths, Vera grabbed a hold of Joan’s hand and placed it on Vera’s hip thrusting herself more into Joan.  
“I... I... Joan. I want this” she looked down at how the two bodies were touching.  
“You can have this” Joan smiled knowing perfectly well that Vera was meaning.  
Joan pushed away and pulled Vera up the stairs. Once they got to Vera’s bedroom, before they went in Joan kissed Vera’s head, “Are you sure you want this dear?”  
“I have for a while Joan. I want this, I want... you” Vera smiled and grabbed a hold of Joan’s hand and entered the bedroom.  
“You’re inexperienced, are you not?” Vera looked down and nodded. “Hey, it’s not a bad thing Vera.” Joan gently kissed Vera.  
Vera lay down on the bed and Joan crawled on top of her, straddling her. Joan looked down at the beautiful woman below her. She stroked Vera’s face with her thumb and kissed her forehead. Vera closed her eyes letting Joan kiss each eyelid and kissed along her cheekbone to her lips. Vera instantly let Joan’s tongue in and made the kiss a lot deeper. Joan’s hands travelled over Vera’s body and stopped at her hips. She looked into Vera’s eyes waiting for confirmation.  
“Do it. I want to. I want you to.” Vera said whilst pushing Joan’s hands further down. “I want to be able to feel what it is like... to have someone love me, at least for a few minutes” Joan smiled, happily to pleasure Vera.  
Joan began to take Vera’s top off and then proceeded to take Vera’s pants off, leaving Vera with only her underwear on. Joan sat back and admired the view. She was aroused by Vera’s body. Vera looked up at the ceiling, embarrassed of her body. Noticing her embarrassment, Joan moved so that she was on top of Vera.  
“Vera.” Vera looked at Joan. “There is no need to be embarrassed. You have a beautiful body.” Joan gave Vera a reassuring Kiss and began to take off the rest of what was covering Vera leaving her naked. Joan began to kiss along Vera’s jaw line and down her neck travelling down to her right breast. Joan kissed around Vera’s nipple then moved to the left breast making sure, every now and then, that Vera was okay.  
Joan then kissed along Vera’s stomach, making patterns with her tongue.  
To Vera this, obviously, was something new but she knew that she was glad that it was Joan that she was doing this with and not someone else. Not that anyone paid any attention to her anymore. She was old and vulnerable and no one was attracted to that? So why was Joan? She was so caught up with the feeling of Joan’s tongue running all over her skin and her thoughts in her head that she was unaware of where Joan began to kiss until she got to the top of the thigh, next to Vera’s centre. The sensation burned Vera. This was something she could get used to. Something she wanted to feel every day. Something she wanted right now. The kissing stopped so near to Vera’s centre which caused Vera to hold her breath as she knew what was next. Vera looked down to see Joan staring up at her smiling. Joan was enjoying the sight that was in front of her. Joan looked at Vera’s centre and looked back up. As much as Joan wanted to jump straight in and pleasure Vera, she wanted Vera to be as comfortable as possible. Vera had an expressionless face which causes Joan to stop and move up so their eye lines were directly at each other.  
“I don’t want to carry on until you give me permission and tell me you feel comfortable and you are certain you want this.”  
“Joan. I want this. I’m comfortable. I want... I need you right now, please”  
“Well, I need to say, it may feel a bit, you know, a little strange seen as though it is your first time. I promise I will not push you to do anything. We can go at your spead.

"Joan, I want this. I want you to make me feel special. I want you to pleasure me in ways I've never imagined" Joan smiled.  
"My pleasure" 

Joan moved down so her face was in between Vera's thighs. She kissed along Vera's right thigh and repeated on the left thigh. Finally, she reached Vera's centre,kissing each lip gently. Vera closed her eyes, taking in the feeling of Joan kissing her where no other person had. Vera took a death breath, when she blew out she felt a tingly feeling run through her. Joan had opened Vera's lower lips with her tongue and began pleasure the younger woman. A small moan escaped Vera's mouth. This was, yes, new to Vera but she loved this new feeling. It was indescribable. As Joan reached Vera's clit, Vera breathed in and held her breath letting Joan trace her tongue around Vera's vagina hoping Joan was enjoying this just as much as she was. Joan inserted two fingers into Vera's vagina making sure Vera had an idea of what each felt like to be pleasure in a different way. She gradually increased the spread of which she was pumping in and out of Vera until she was at a steady pace and of which was getting occasional moans and grunts from the younger lady.

Vera was coming close to climaxing. She arched her back in what was extreme pleasure. She was so glad that this was Joan and not someone else... Like Fletch. Her walls started to clench.  
"Joa_-Joan I'm... I'm close" she managed to speak, very breathless however.  
"I know. I can tell." Joan placed her free hand on Vera's stomach. "Just you lay there and relax and enjoy the feeling of climaxing." 

Joan carried on pumping in and out of Vera and teasing her clit. Vera was so close now. She arched her back and pushed Joan's head further into her centre.  
"joaaan" Vera moaned as she eventually climaxed. Joan smiled and drank up Vera juices.

She straightened her back and pulled Joan up and kissed her passionately. Joan immediately let Vera's Joan through her lips and letting Vera taste the tiny bit of what she tasted like. Joan stopped the kiss. "Well?"  
"I have no words Joan."  
"Job well done then"  
"A job? Is that all I am to you Joan? Maybe Fletch was right. Maybe you do think of me as your little sex slave." Vera said and she covered herself up in the sheet from her bed.  
"No... No of course not Vera." Joan placed her hand on Vera's face and stroked it. "You're more than that. You're special. You mean so much to me. I've admitted that before. You know that don't you? This wasn't some job. Or some test or whatever you think or whatever Mr Fletcher believes. This was something that we need to remember. Something that had made us closer together, don't you think?"  
"I suppose so. Do I really mean that much to you? Even more than Jianna, like you said?" Joan looked at Vera, remembering she had actually said that, and nodded. "Then let me taste you. Let me experience pleasuring someone else. I love...I mean I'd love to at least try"

Joan smirked at what Vera would have said if she hadn't of stopped her self. 

"I'll let you do that if you promise me one thing and tell me another"  
"Yes" Vera wanted to try.she knew she wouldn't be as good as Joan was but she wanted to try. She wanted to impress her boss. She knew Joan had always been the dominant one. She didn't want Joan to make the mistake of letting Vera take lead.  
"I want you to promise me that you wont believe a word that stupid man, Mr Fletcher, says. Can you do that?"  
"Yes. I'm sorry I thought he was right... He obviously isn't and I shouldn't have doubted it."  
"Now the other thing. You stopped yourself from saying something and changed it to something else. What did you originally want to say?"

Vera blushed.

"Joan... It stays between us right?" Joan nodded and bit her lip. "Okay... I don't know how else to say this but, well when I'm around you or I think of you, I get this really weird feeling in my stomach almost like butterflies but a lot more tingly and whenever someone mentions your name in conversation I always seem to blush and its uncontrollable. Joan..." She grabbed hold of Joan hand and interlocked their fingers, "I think I'm in love with you Joan" 

Joan said nothing but gathered all the information. She nodded and smiled. "And after all that you only think you do?"

"Well, yes... I'm pretty sure I do but I've never felt this way before. Its again,something new to me" Joan just stared. "I know you won't feel the same but you said to promise you one thing and tell you another before I could, you know experience pleasuring someone..."  
"Stop." Joan placed a finger on Vera's lips. Joan moved down until her lips were touching Vera's ear.

"How do you know I don't feel the same?" She whispered.


	9. Chapter 9

Joan sat back, still straddling Vera, smiling. 

"What do you mean by that?" 

"What do you think it means Vera? How do you know how I feel if you never ask?" Joan pointed out, smirking knowing Vera was too scared to ask in case of rejection. Vera knew and could see Joan knew Vera would never come out and ask how she'd feel and so she closed her eyes and slightly frowned. She opened her eyes and placed her palm on Joan’s chest, just above her breast where her heart would be. 

"Do you not feel anything Joan? Do you not feel anything here? Is there not someone that affects you so much that when they aren't near you or there is a chance of losing them, you hurt here? Do you not feel that? Do you not feel anything for someone?"

Joan took a deep breath in and placed her left hand over Vera’s on her chest and placing her right hand on Vera’s face cupping it. "Of course I do Vera. I know that it may not seem like it and I know, I know I don't act like there is feeling inside of me. But there is and there is someone. Someone who has changed me for the better. Someone who has made me want to feel again since Jia... you know. There is someone whom I trust very much." 

"And who is..." 

"You. Vera. You made me feel like this." Vera smiled and Joan took this as a good chance to kiss the younger woman. 

With the little strength Vera had, she pushed Joan over so that she was now on top of Joan. Still kissing, Vera started to unbutton Joan’s jacket and carried on stripping Joan until she was left in just her underwear. The younger woman hands started to explore the older woman’s body. Enjoying the feel of hands on her body, Joan let out a few soft moans causing Vera to smile. Her right hand arrived on the hem of Joan knickers, teasing the older woman by tracing her finger back and forth just a little underneath the material. Vera began to kiss along Joan’s jaw line and sucked on her neck. With her left hand, she cupped Joan’s right breast and squeezed every now and then, causing Joan to grunt. 

“May I?” Vera looked down to Joan’s centre, indirectly asking to taste Joan. 

“Don’t force yourself to do anything if you don’t want to Vera” Joan said showing Vera she could chose but desperately hoping she didn’t want to. Joan admired the younger woman, but opening herself up for her, and letting her see the vulnerable and weak side was not something that Joan wanted. Not now.

Vera took off Joan’s underwear and stopped to look at the body in front of her. “Gosh, you’re beautiful” Vera whispered. She moved so that her head was in between Joan’s legs, repeating Joan’s actions by kissing down the thigh of each leg, Vera managed to kiss the lips of Joan’s vagina but before she could go any further, there was a knock on the door. Vera heard, but ignored it and began to kiss the lips of Joan’s vagina, but didn’t use tongue. She was just about to open them with her tongue when she heard the knocking again. Joan pushed Vera away, and signalled for her to come to the same eye line. Vera did so. 

“Go and answer it” Vera looked dead in Joan’s eye and nodded. 

“What are you going to do? I don’t know who it is?” Vera asked whilst covering her naked body in a dressing gown. 

“I’ll just stay up here and stay away. Don’t you worry about me” Vera looked Joan up and down, licked her lips and walked away.

Vera walked downstairs, slightly angry at being interrupted, especially the first time of pleasing someone. She unlocked the door and was shocked to see Linda staring back. 

“Linda? Why are you here?” 

“I need to ... erm... explain something to you” Linda looked Vera up and down noticing what she was wearing. 

“I can’t talk right now, I’m, um, a little busy” 

“Vera, it can’t wait... I need to talk to you about you seeing me at Matthews house.” Vera gulped, hoping Joan wasn’t able to hear. Little did she know, Joan had found wrapped herself in Vera’s sheets and was listening at the top of the stairs, hearing every word. 

“Linda... You don’t need to explain. It’s not like I care about Flet... him anymore. I’ve moved on and I’m happy.” Joan smiled knowing it was her making Vera happy.

“Vera please, listen to why I was there.” 

“I don’t want to hear. Honestly, Linda, I don’t care anymore. You can go out and have sex with him all you want. Just don’t let him take you advantage on you, like he did with me.”

“It’s not like that Vera. I promise” 

“Then what was it like then? Just a one night stand, to make me jealous because someone else was having sex with the man that I wanted to have sex with?” Vera started to raise her voice. Joan, listening, began to get angry even though what Vera was talking about was a long time ago. 

“It was more like the other way round.” Vera gave a confused look, and pulled Linda into the kitchen facing away from the door. Joan started to make her way down to carry on listening. 

“Then what was it? Why were you there?” 

“I’m just going to come out with it, but basically, I wanted you and I couldn’t find any words really to tell you, plus I thought... well I know you’re straight, so I slept with him because I knew you wanted to with him... I wanted your attention...” 

“You obviously got the attention for the wrong reason Linda, now please fuck off. Vera and myself were very busy before you interrupted” Joan walked behind Vera, placing her arm around her and making sure Linda got the message. 

“This was a private matter Gov” Linda tried to shove her away.

“I’ll have you know, before you rudely interrupted Vera and me, it was a private matter between us two. If you care to leave, that will be appreciated.” Vera looked up at the angry Joan. “You know your way out, I’m sure Miss Miles” 

Linda walked past and opened the door, she looked behind her, seeing Joan pull Vera into a hug and listened to Joan in the distance. "If she wanted you, she should have said earlier. You're mine now. I'll take care of you" A tear escaped Linda's eyes and closed the door after her. 


	10. Chapter 10

Vera smiled into Joan’s arms. She felt safe here. She felt loved. She wrapped her arms around Joan.

“You are what matters now Vera”

Joan kissed Vera’s forehead, “Now, where were we?” Joan smiled, grabbing Vera’s hand and dragging her back up to the bedroom. Taking the sheet of and the dressing gown and getting back in to the same position as before. Joan lay down and Vera knelt in between the older woman’s leg. She kissed down each thigh and instantly opened the older woman’s lower lips with her tongue, causing a slow groan from Joan. Following the same idea of Joan, Vera teased Joan clit and inserted two fingers inside of Joan curling them upwards. Joan moaned loudly but covered her mouth, causing Vera to stop and pull Joan’s hand away. “I want to hear you.”

Vera pumped in and out of Joan at a fast but steady pace, whilst her tongue was dancing around her clit. Joan’s moans causing Vera to enjoy the moment even more. Joan tasted great. Vera’s tongue stopped as she sucked on Joan’s clit. Still pumping inside Joan, she could tell that Joan was close but was stopping herself. “Let go Joan” Obeying Vera, Joan let the tension inside leave which cause a gush of liquid to exit onto Vera’s fingers. Joan’s back arched as Joan screamed Vera’s name. Vera smirked against Joan’s vagina, still pumping in Joan until Joan was completely spent. Vera removed her fingers, placing her wet fingers into her mouth, tasting every little bit of Joan possible.

She moved to lie next to Joan and placed her arm around Joan’s naked chest. She placed her head of Joan’s chest, hearing her breath.

“I love you Vera”

Vera smiled and wriggled to be as close as possible to Joan as she possibly could. “I love you too Joan”

They lay cuddled up to each other, enjoying each other’s skin against the other. Eventually Joan broke the silence, “Vera” and small sound came from the younger woman, “How long?”

Vera sat up, looking down at Joan confused, “What do you mean how long?”

“How long have you loved me Vera?”

“Um...well, I guess I’ve always seen the attraction to you but I kind of realised when you came round, when you brought me food... when my mother was here” Joan nodded making Vera aware she knew which night she was meaning. “It showed some care Joan. I saw the real you... Not that Governor that I know from work.” Vera cupped Joan’s face, gently rubbing the older woman’s cheek with her thumb. Joan simply smiled at Vera. “Why?” Vera asked.

Joan looked plainly at Vera. “I wasn’t sure when I started to notice the signs” Vera’s cheeks turned rosy and looked away. Joan took her fingers, turning Vera’s face back and brought it closer. “My dear, there’s no shame in loving someone, whether it is your boss, even if you didn’t know they liked you back, even back then”

Vera looked into Joan’s eyes, “So it’s true”

“Is what true, my dear?”

“You’ve liked me all this time. I’ve had Linda, Bridget, Matthew, goddammit even Bea and Franky told me you loved me... Is it true?”

Joan smiled.

“Of course it is Vera.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick summerising chapter to this fic. Hope you enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always loved! <3


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